“I’m so scared of being strong, of being confident and ‘out there'” She sobbed.
“why?” asked the voice of reason.
“Because…then I’ll be known, I’ll be seen, I’ll go through more ups and downs because I’ll invite more in. I’ll be open to criticism and judgement. The things I don’t like about myself will be exposed… I might look a fool or ‘fail’ and be rejected and then retreat into myself even more never to come out again.”
This was part of a conversation between myself and the analytical voice in my head.
I know I was not alone. I hear this kind of talk and see this kind of thinking in action everywhere. So much fear and inner pain all around. Many of us hide this fear and pain behind a mask and plod along, only it catches up with you, makes you ill, torments you and drives you insane.
For that reason I am exposing my fear and pain in the cold light of day for anyone who wishes to read about it, or not. Either way it will be exposed with no way out. I want to trap it all right here right now, and face it head on. While it sits trembling, kicking and screaming stubbornly, I will observe it and look into it’s eyes, tell it I know it’s game and what scares and hurts it most. I’ll put it on display for any passer by, until it has immunised itself against judgement and criticism, and until it gets tired and falls asleep. I will do that for as long as it takes because if I don’t, well, then I will REALLY have failed..
Once it’s asleep I can rebuild what it has destroyed, and when it wakes and tries to destroy again it will see it’s been trapped in a new temple of strength, love, confidence and truth…everybody knows about it now, it doesn’t scare or hurt us anymore; it might as well work with us and do the original job it was hired for, to protect from immediate and life threatening danger.
Fear and pain will always have a job, a place, within us so it can not be ‘fought’ or killed, but fear and pain can be tamed.
Do you want to continue to hide it and struggle by yourself in fear of the fear of the fear? I decided not to.
Imagine the possibilities if we all exposed our fear and our inner pain instead of pandering to it?
Here’s mine, in a jar…now let’s get building.