It’s extremely hard to accept or admit, but we can not control others.
It is spoken and written over and over again, but it’s true, we do not owe anyone anything and they do not owe us, we create our own ‘owing’ and debts to others in our minds. We create our own life stories.
Even those ‘closest’ to us, are usually bound either by blood or emotion, but that doesn’t give us power over them, or they over us.
We bind ourselves emotionally and psychologically to people to fill our own voids, and so when they do not live up to what we expect, or when we do not perform according to what they expect, it can cause us such emotional hurt, rejection, disappointment and anger, that it almost seems to hurt physically.
Yet we set ourselves up for it.
Of course we live in a world with human contact everyday, and it is our natural instinct to connect, to work together, to create together. That is the cycle of life.
Connecting ourselves and attaching ourselves are two very different things, it is because we keep confusing the two that we make our lives painful and difficult.
Attachment: like superglue; difficult to become unstuck. Need, obsession, dependence. Resting everything on that one person so that if that person is no longer there we crumble and shut ourselves off to the world. Forgetting why we got involved because we are so consumed. A need to attack to release our own issues. Expecting that person to be, do, say, act a certain way or else they are a disappointment to us. Or feeling we have to be a certain way for another. Differences create a clash.
Connection: like puzzle pieces that can slot or unslot as and when needed, gravitation, magnetized, a bonus, the icing on the cake but the cake is still edible without it. knowing that we can disagree but work it out without crumbling or attacking, but rather, communicating our issues. Working together with someone to create enjoyment, quality of life, variety. Allowing that person to breathe and be and enjoying their growth. Being allowed to be who you are and appreciated by the other. Differences are celebrated.
We often forget, life is change and development. Whatever we think we have no choice about is often a self-made prison. Everything can be molded.
When we are used to attachment, it can seem almost impossible to change, almost impossible to LET GO. key word is ‘almost’, because I believe it’s not impossible. Letting go does not mean stop caring or loving, or stop being nice. It just means live and let live.
It still means be there, but be there as uplifting wings, not as a lead weight. Be there to create fond memories not bad experiences you want to forget.
Easier said than done I know! Remember I will only write about what I experience and try myself, so let’s try step by step, inch by inch, to be more connected and less attached to those we care about and to everything we do. I have a strong suspicion we will all start to breathe easier when we do, and will in fact feel closer to everyone without the attachment.
When the chains of attachment start tugging at you and you feel that anxious feeling rising in you about to snap someones head off….breathe and say ‘wings’ in your mind or any other uplifting trigger word to remind you…let go. Even if you are being mistreated…’wings’ …let go. Walk away for a second and breathe until you are ready to say what you need to say.