Figs. I love the damn things.
I especially love picking and eating a big fresh fig hanging from the fig tree, and there are a couple of fig trees around me here in Portugal.
The thing is, when you love something and you have too much of it, it can get a bit annoying/sickening/boring etc. because the more you are exposed to something with any of your senses, the harder it is to experience it with fresh senses and therefore fresh perspective.
So, my lovely family have picked me some figs from the tree.
Figs and figs and figs.
I have eaten them as they are, cut up and drizzled with honey, smooshed up with fresh, soft cheese, mixed into muesli…and I still have a bowl left.
I am a bit sick of figs now; it’s time for a break.
How perfectly this illustrates what I am doing now. In the place I was in on the path I am on, I was feeling a bit sick, mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally. Even those that give good advice to others can lose their way and need a need a new chapter.
So I am out here now, 10 days in, and the slight but subtle changes I have made have been enough to open the floodgates to my issues and resistance. My resistance is strong, like me.
Of course it would be lovely if I could say 10 days in to increasing my fresh fruit and veg intake, cutting down on coffee and processed foods, meditating, exercising and getting some blue skies, sunshine and space have open the floodgates to my healing and I feel good as new, but no to the very last bit.
No, that is not the case at all. In fact some of my deeper issues are manifesting more. My irritations, annoyances, negative beliefs, muscle tensions, among other health issues, are all the more obvious.
I have experienced this during hypno-analysis, and I have seen it in others, the feeling worse before you feel better. This is the part where resistance rears its head and it becomes easy to slink away tail between legs, back to old patterns.
I came here with the intention of getting in touch with my creativity, with the added benefits of getting healthier. I thought I’d start by improving the health and energy side of things, so that I could have fresh focus, and channel some ideas to write and paint.
Little did I know I would meet with my old friend resistance.
It’s time to speak to resistance directly.
So my dear resistance, I know you well! I won’t fight with you. I want you to know that I will continue to jump into uncles’ old car that sounds like a loud tractor and has a dodgy, stiff steering wheel that embarrasses you, so that I can visit the fresh food markets.
So that I can continue to nourish myself and make my delicious, nutritious juices and smoothies.
I will continue to meditate to calm your fears.
I will continue to enjoy my surroundings and natural space.
I will dig deep and find what you’re about, what you look like down there in the murkiness…
Figs are pretty on the outside but they look like squidgy brains on the inside don’t you know. When you get to taste them the nectar is so sweet that it’s worth the discomfort of looking at their realness.
Then when I’ve seen you clearly, resistance, I will make you laugh and dance and smile with me, till I’ve dissolved you and feel once again how it feels to not feel you. Like being 4 or 5 again.
Now does anyone have a recipe for fig pie?