I’ve heard it many times; the notion that coming into your true self is not an easy process, I’ve personally been at it for some time now and I can vouch for that.
In my experience it’s never the one ‘epiphany’ or that specific breakdown; it’s a series of them, each bringing their own messages, learning and realisations, and sometimes you have to go round in circles over the same one.
There is no Nirvana to reach, or Guru status to achieve; there is just the meeting of oneself in a place of acceptance, and the understanding of the fact that we are a fallible and flawed form, imbued with a core of unseen but deeply known perfection. In understanding this, no matter what we are feeling or dealing with, we will recognise our own outwardly imperfect patterns and always choose the best for ourselves.
From a woman’s perspective there is the reconnection of female strength and power to contend with when meeting with our true selves. We have the mass resentment of womankind on our hands- the collective feeling of being the underdog sex in a ‘man’s world’. It has become so common that we now blindly defend our rights to prostitute ourselves, defend our men when they beat or bully us, defend our ‘choice’ to swing around poles and exploit ourselves as sex objects.
We want to feel righteous in these so called choices because it makes us look strong and as though we know what we are doing from the outside, but inside in a dark place that we daren’t look into, is the torment we have hidden and the desperate need to be loved and respected.
The answer is not to cover ourselves up, lock ourselves up or become obedient to the irrational laws of men as to what a ‘proper’ woman comprises of.
It is to look our own realness in the face and learn to soften our hearts again; it was in the attempt to harden ourselves that we became lost, believing the story that we are not good enough as we are.
To be a strong woman is not to be hard, to be a strong woman is to be exactly, truly, authentically who we are and to stand solidly in a position of self-knowing. It is to be able to say ‘no’ when we mean ‘no’ without guilt, and to say ‘yes’ when we mean ‘yes’ without fear.
Our rage would be better used if channeled into a force for reasserting ourselves softly, for what are rage and resentment but cancers within us and the decay of our souls?
Worldwide women feel violated and misunderstood, and it’s all too easy to point the finger at man, whom we birthed.
Can we be the mothers, nurturers and the carers that gently steer lost men back into their true, solid and protective masculinity?
It’s easy to feel it shouldn’t be our job to do so and that we should automatically be revered and respected. The uncomfortable truth is, we as womankind have sunk to a place where we often no longer revere and respect ourselves as we should, and that in itself is permission for another to treat us as we act towards ourselves. There is no excuse for mistreatment, but there is the knowledge of how it began, which gives us the power to change it.
Perhaps by no longer seeing ourselves as less or feeling victimised, we can step into our power and begin to be treated as strong and loving.
It is a long and arduous process to discover what you are not, and to realise what you could and should be. We don’t always know straight off the bat how to fully transition into ourselves.
It’s a process of untying the many false attachments, re-wiring the many old defaults, losing those that refuse to acknowledge the reality of who we are and are angered that we are not staying as the person they wanted us to be, starting ourselves over from scratch time and time again and never giving up on ourselves, no matter how much we want to just sit in a corner and let life and all it’s chaos go by without us, and of breaking down over and over.
What is hugely important is that we are consistently getting back up, and each time a little stronger.
Every time we get back up, another old pattern is thanked for its previous use and then discarded, and in these tiny steps and movements we may not see the changes outright, but on looking back we can see a collection of wisdom forming on our journey of self acknowledgement.
I am forever renewing, and have now gone too far to ever go back. Up ahead I can see complicated mazes, high mountains, turbulent rapids and dark forests that are terrifying, but I see meadows, fragrant flowers, gentle rivers and pretty trees too, and all of them are equally beautiful.
It’s scarier to not even try.