It is hard to admit that everything around you is a mirror image of some aspect of you.
When someone’s face is in your face, their spittle (or their hand) landing on your cheek and their harsh words piercing your eardrums, the anger, upset, fear or resentment rises within you and you see nothing but everything you despise.
How dare they think this way!
How dare they tell you otherwise!
How can they speak like that?
How can they act like this?
I am right, they are wrong.
I am hurt by them, they are the enemy.
It’s their fault/it’s all my fault.
That old cliché ‘it takes two to tango’ is not just an old cliché; it’s a truth.
That person may well be unreasonable or downright awful, but you, whether consciously or not, allow them in. You have a say in how far it goes and how you react. You have an opportunity to look in the mirror.
It’s a stark reality, but a gift too. Think about it, you have absolutely no reason to overreact or become attached or give rise to the emotions of something unless they are triggering what’s already in you. When something doesn’t relate or something is at peace within you, it’s just ‘something’ and you can let it go.
Notice even the smallest moments, let’s say an off-hand criticism that you mentally utter in your head about a person passing by. Something pricked you about that person, something didn’t sit well in your mind or body about them and you criticised. If you go deeper, you’ll probably find that it’s something you’ve been or done before, that you don’t like about yourself, or something someone has done to you.
It’s really nothing to do with the person you criticised.
Finger pointing is easier isn’t it? Oh the burden is so great in us and how relieving it feels to pass it over to someone else! Let them hurt, let them feel what they’re doing to me (except they’re not, they’re looking in their own mirror and projecting onto you) let them be the cause of all my crap so I can just dump it all here. Then you have two people doing the exact same thing to one another but with differing or varying stances.
That’s not to say everything is our fault and everyone else is right and we are wholly in the wrong, others have their issues and others may well be disrespectful or nasty to us, but that’s their shit and if we are reacting back, we have glimpsed some of our own shit reflected back at us. That is the moment of opportunity to back away, not necessarily back down, just away…to a truly reflective place. To question what it was we didn’t like about that and what we can do to change the aspects of it within ourselves. To question also how much love and self-respect we give ourselves and how we can ensure that the only things invited into our world in future, are the things that reflect a higher standard of that love and self-respect.
So tango away, but make sure you are well aware of the steps you take and your part in it.