So the work continues. The ‘work’ otherwise known as the journey of life.
Who promised us an easy ride anyway? As far as I can remember I’ve heard comments about how difficult it can be, so where did this frustration and bitterness about it come from? Life is where you live, feel and move and death is where you die and rest, that’s what I’ve always been told. We got the deal we were warned about, no?
The work for me continues. It’s incredibly internal work, it’s the work of navigating choppy waters, climbing up cliff sides and sliding back down again over and over until my shins scrape, my palms bleed and my nails snap, pulled back and raw. An uncomfortable analogy isn’t it?
That’s how uncomfortable it can be sometimes, but why would I have it any other way? I would rather go over this work time and time again than give up and die inside and out and that’s the truth of it no matter how much my head tells me to give up, because this is heart and soul work.
This effort for me is about learning to stop and lean against the cliff side and cry salty tears into the grit, feeding it my blood, sweat and tears; my devotion. It’s about being able to shout at the choppy waves and still close my eyes, inhale the sea air and thank it for its beauty and its lessons.
So when I find myself repeating old patterns, thinking old things that never served me, and that I thought I’d already worked on, and when part of me wants to just give up, I remember that each time I slide down the proverbial cliff, I had actually been climbing up a little higher than before. I had seen clearer and more magnificent views.
That is why I can’t give those views up. There is never any giving up until the higher power says otherwise, because as I’ve heard it quoted before; What you have seen, cannot be unseen.
Once you learn something new that takes you higher, it’s too late to stay in the darkest depths forever. You can visit there, but you can’t over-stay your welcome.
That beauty you saw that took your breath away, awaits.
Yes it feels tiring and like a merry-go-round sometimes, but I will not kid myself. I know it only feels like effort and uncomfortable because I want it, and because it’s inevitable. If I didn’t, I’d be numb and it really wouldn’t matter; I wouldn’t be writing this. I have to feel the discomfort of transition, and I notice that every time my wounds heal, and I start my journey up again, the start of the climb is always easier, because I’ve done it so many times before. It’s easy to forget that when I first started awakening and working on myself, those first few steps were torture, but now I know how to begin, I know where to start and I know what’s needed. It’s no longer a question of starting, it’s a question of continuing from my previous level of knowledge where I was, and then navigating to the next level.
If my intentions are clear I climb and I navigate and I find new landscapes that I’ve never seen or felt before. Of course the possibility of falling again is always there, the higher you go the bigger the fall, but that is only more fuel to stay with it.
So the work continues. This is life, life is feeling. Feeling the full range of possible feelings and learning to navigate them.