One Decision

Women! Beautiful, vulnerable, broken women.

Oh where to begin, as a fellow woman!

You have felt persecuted for many centuries. Misunderstood, violated, disrespected, dejected, mistreated, unsupported, second class and unworthy. Even if you have lived a fairly sheltered life in this lifetime, your blood and bones carry the pain and restless souls of your sisters before you, and sometimes you can feel them rattle and boil.

When you stop to breathe and contemplate it, and to settle into your feminine self…you can’t quite place the feeling you carry within at first, but when you stop avoiding the deep, raw discomfort, it soon becomes clear.

You carry the women burned and drowned for being in touch with nature and their mother earth rituals. You carry the women tortured and raped in religious wars, power-hungry wars and all the pointless wars. You carry the women cut and sown between their legs, the women stoned to death for loving another, or abused for showing flesh. You carry the women patronised, harassed, paid less, beaten in the home, banished to the kitchen, or tormented for being seen breastfeeding.

Because you are internal and made to sense in deeper ways in order to harvest and protect your own within you…it means you can fully open yourself when you choose to, and therefore can sense the energies around you…the ones that came before and the ones here now. So sometimes you cry because you feel it all, just all of it! Sometimes you can feel and hear the earth screaming.

The way the world is today, you feel you must silence what you know and feel and not risk being ridiculed, because you know you will also be feared and controlled. All that pain inflicted on your sisters was and is, out of fear.

Women! Sometimes you yourselves feel compelled to hurt one another because you too, fear, so you project this fear onto your sisters in order to fit in and feel the illusion of security.

Shame on you. Shame on us.

I am sorry for all my past judgments. I am sorry for all my fear. I am sorry for all your pain. I am on my knees and begging for forgiveness, clarity and courage.

When you see your sisters defending their cause, don’t roll your eyes.

When you see someone like me singing under the moon with candles alight, do not run and gossip so that you feel protected because you don’t rock the boat like me.

When you see your sisters wearing a mini skirt in the street, how dare you look down upon her for freeing herself and not pandering to fear based rules that undermine her right to control her own sexuality and femininity, and if she is not free and is just acting out her rejections as promiscuity; how dare you not send love and understanding her way in the hopes that she will heal.

When you see your man with another, don’t immediately lash out at the woman; is he so helpless and innocent that he cannot defend himself or make the choice to be with you?

When your sisters want to stay home and look after the kids, or go back to work sooner than you think they should, don’t judge, go and live your own life.

Yes it hurts, and yes it’s hard, and yes we’re afraid, but women! Stop pointing the finger, both at fellow women and at men.

It’s time to come out of the shadows and stop playing the victim game. It’s so very hard to not feel angry and hard done by; not just women, but all of us humans do so love our dramas, and the victim game often brings us the attention we so crave. The anger we hold on to makes us feel we have an anchor; something to hold us down while we go in the direction of our cause, but what if that anger was part of the problem and only prolongs our agony.

Can we women for more than a second devote ourselves to healing ourselves within? We may have centuries, and God knows even millennia of pain to heal, but if pain can be caused in an instant, then in that instant so too can it’s antidote be created.

All I know is that boys need mothers, whether biological or not is not in question; but a nurturing, loving mother figure to feed their hearts and souls and to give them wings to fly into the mighty life of a man.

Both men and women have a part to play; there is always an attacker and a victim…two parties, and those that understand energy know that what we give out we often attract back. This is not to say that if you are attacked it is entirely your fault, but if you then lie back and begin the ‘I am a tortured soul’ blame-game with the ‘all men are bad’ label, and if you do not begin your healing and the resolution of conflict however you can for yourself and your loved ones, then you are playing into the hands of your attacker and into expanding the destructive energy, and on and on it goes.

What mothers do men have when we are living in the shadows of our hurt and too busy spewing forth our venom to both men and women; further tainting the situation? How then can they become the fathers that boys also need, to guide them and teach them how to respect, build, strive,  provide and honour?

Men, dear misunderstood men!

You too must rise up from your hurting hearts and souls, from your fears, from the taint of the past, from the legacies you did not ask for. We can not do this alone. I can’t speak entirely for all your needs other than the mother part as a woman, and I can not read your jumbled minds and tightly closed hearts. Though you may stumble over kind words or emotions, your actions will suffice.

I can tell you what will help.

All she wants is your acceptance and protection. Your sturdy arms to hold her firmly yet gently in solid, soothing certainty, and though there is never certainty in anything, and though she is independent; at least she knows then that when the chips fall she will have you, her rock, by her side.

All she wants is your deep, resonant voice to calm and still her, so that she can melt like butter; but not before you have sat and listened to her rant and rave her heart out, because one of women’s greatest needs is the freedom to empty her heart to you without your impatience or ridicule, or she will wither and die. It is because she can empty her heart often, that she has space to fill it with love for you.

When she feels seen, honoured, accepted, loved and respected by you…she becomes the moon receiving sunlight. You are her burning sun and in warming her with these gifts, you nurture her so that she can shine in the dark for you to light your way, and give you double the nurture.

Men, the women in your lives love it when you say or show in your own way these things:

‘Woman (girl or lady)…I stand by you. Though I may not understand your beautiful mystery, I honour and cherish you and I will listen to what matters most to you. You are heard, respected and loved.’

‘Sister, I look out for you, I see you are the softer version of me on the outside, and the firmer one on the inside. Lean on me when you are weary. You are supported’

‘Mother, you held me in your belly for so many tiring months and experienced discomfort to bring me into my life, you held me on your sleepless nights and fed me so I could grow into a man. We may not see eye to eye, but know that I see you for all that you have endured and I respect you for all that I will never know about what you have been through for me. You are appreciated.’

‘Daughter, I helped create you and you are my life and joy. I see you for you, know you, love you and cherish you, and I will teach you to love yourself and to never feel like a victim. Though you are strong in your own right, I protect you when you need me’

All it takes is a decision, to step out of the drama we protect and project, to walk away from the inability to let go and to develop the understanding that to forgive does not mean to condone. One decision.

Men and women can become whole again.

Sun Moon Yin Yang by Sue Halstenberg Fine Art.

Sun Moon Yin Yang by Sue Halstenberg Fine Art.

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