I’ve lost myself again. How I love a game of hide and seek.
It’s not the jobs themselves; it’s that I put myself in them and use them as excuses to push away my creativity and fire. I dig in and dedicate myself to them, all encompassing, so that there is no room for more in my head. If loyal has a mascot, here she is.
It is not the time or the season, or the money, or the pebbles in the path.
It’s not the people in my life, for they are them, and I am me. We are each one of us beacons of our own essence. Magnets running on source energy.
That energy runs on tap.
Why don’t I drink from it more? Why don’t we?
We are after all thirsty for it deep down. Yet we roam in a dry desert, swept up in our gritty, eye burning, blinding sandstorms. Choking, grabbing, lifted off the ground and then buried.
What is this desert drug?
Whatever it is, it wants me to focus on it, it loves attention.
Let go, I must!
When I peel my eyes away, there I am; lost.
At least not in the desert though, just lost and pure. Floating and ready to land somewhere else.
Somewhere near that tap of beautiful crystalline, thirst quenching liquid. Where excitement and anticipation replace anxiety and dread. Where genuine smiles replace tears of hopelessness. Where the only tears that run are ones manifested by belly laughs, joy or healing release.
Maybe I hide but forget to seek.
Maybe lost is a starting point.