I chose the red pill.
I didn’t even realise I was born to take it, it came as a natural progression, an instinctive reaction. Something began to feel wrong at some point early on, and my mind was violently awoken…destiny or maybe purpose or perhaps something else…shook me awake and thrust the pills before me.
Red or blue?
Some rebellious and inevitable streak in me decided to just take it.
So I can see now, things…lots of things. I wish I’d known that seeing led to feeling with this damn pill. I might have prepared, I might have thought twice…or would I?
Over time I have seen under the facade, and now I’ve seen too much, or at least it often feels that way. Therein lies my dilemma.
When your sleepy, sticky, heavy-lidded eyes open and you can see…just…all of it.
Outer misrepresentation of inner truth.
Burning forests for corporate greed with not a care to replace and give back…it’s like they think money just grows on trees.
Poverty stricken people attempting to attain fake, consumerist standards of living because they’ve been taught that that is the only way they can BE someone or receive respect, acceptance and success….not realising they don’t need it all, they already are someone, and they could live off the land and the power of the sun and the moon and everything else provided, if only they weren’t penalized and charged for what is rightfully theirs to use by nature.
Animals chained by the neck and squashed into uninhabitable spaces, force-fed until they vomit and eat it, or die.
Calves ripped from their mother’s wombs and discarded, their milk taken from them over and over again, for our consumption.
Angry, depressed, lost people walking around not knowing quite why, but feeling something is just wrong here and then vilified, rejected or eye-rolled at for talking about it because they’ve got nothing to be depressed about, surely, and plus…it’s way too uncomfortable to hear and it’s messing with the ‘blue-pill’ vibe.
Fearful people taught that the ‘others’ are bad…so fearful that violence becomes second nature.
War upon war, fire fighting fire, extremism fought with extremism. You did this so you’re bad, I’m going to do this back to you, but I’m not bad because you started it. My way is better than yours and it’s the only way. You’re not allowed to be another way because I don’t understand it and it threatens my illusion of this neat, orderly, self-righteous life I live. I was ‘in control’ and powerful until you came along…the TV told me so.
Water and food source contaminated…it’s cheaper.
Women portrayed as nothing but a sexual commodity until rape, misogyny, sexism and harassment is the norm. Years, decades, centuries of burning, drowning, stoning, tying, using, stifling, shaving, cutting, stitching up, controlling, covering up and stripping off. The ridicule and shame of having a vagina, the embarrassment and disgust of the monthly life-blood. The almighty and relentless destruction of the mother, Goddess, Queen, nurturer and creatrix reeks of fear, impotence and insecurity. Mother earth is screaming.
Men. Confused, frightened men. Fighting, raging and forcing…deep down in their darkest depths wanting nothing but a mother to hold and rock them to sleep. Wanting to let go and unleash their vulnerability in a howl. Losing their way and self-respect, emotions stifled because they ‘shouldn’t’ cry. Seen as the evil patriarchal monsters that are raping the world until it seems almost too difficult to trust them and help them find their way back to themselves again, or for them to help themselves.
There is no training offered for taking the red pill, no explanation of the fact that you’ll see it all but you’ll still be surrounded by and acting on the blue pill’s hard to shake habits.
You’ll see it all around you, in your own life, your memories, realisations and in the lives of others. The media shouting all the terrors they want you to see in order to disempower you, not showing you what you’ve really been doing and what they’ve really been doing and what’s really been going on. Then you notice that when some truth has filtered in, it is widely rejected because it doesn’t match our so-called force-fed reality.
You’ll still be living in it…this mess you can now see so clearly. There is no ‘Nebuchadnezzar’ to hover in and pluck you from the illusion whilst a Morpheus or a Trinity guide and train you through your paces in preparation to save the world.
There is just a gritty pit as you claw your way through and begin to feel the symptoms of the gap between what is, and what is not. There is a battle waged in your mind, body and soul as you traverse and climb, falling constantly at first hurdles and grim discoveries.
There is a sense of confusion at who you are and what you’re supposed to be doing here. Questions upon questions and frustrations at apparent time wasted in the past and hopelessness towards the future, whilst desperately seeking some relief in the now.
There is alienation and isolation and a duvet calling you to hide from it all, or for some a shelter under a bridge or in a shop door.
There come the little fireflies.
Specks and flickers of light as you begin to recognise like-minds here and there, scatterings of others who have taken the red pill too. Like you they haven’t just read a paragraph about it or heard about it in theory…they’ve swallowed it and fallen into the deep, dark, murky dream-full sleep it initially induces. You wake up face to face with yourself; your lined, flawed, imperfect mirror image. An unedited version of you where all your darkness and demons slither around you trying to call you back, whispering in your ear that you should have taken the blue pill and pulling you to the brink of despair. Where it mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually hurts you to continue to act in your old ways but you still can’t figure out what else you can possibly do. Then just when you think you’ve seen enough about yourself, you begin to see the other darkness all around too; all the realities under the gloss, behind the lense, behind the screens, behind the smiles, behind the practiced words, behind the ‘I’m OK’, inside the packages, inside the bottles, behind the lies, and inside the pills and promises.
Those like-minds gather in communities, some online and some in person. They’re like the Zionists, creating hubs of warmth and hope wherever they can; their hearts ripped open and drowning in empathic pain. Retching, crying and screaming they drag their feet, wishing they were cold and detached so they didn’t have to feel. Soon enough they remember their strong instincts to take the red pill, and they begin to reawaken their exhausted senses slowly like slugs and snails, and the odd ones like hungry, sprinting cheetahs.
Just as they can see the grit and truth, they also begin to see the beauty in high-definition. Only then does training begin. Often the training is lonesome and frustrating as old blue pill habits keep rearing their ugly heads and steps back are as frequent as steps forward. But they keep going…we keep going.
Training ourselves to focus on the beauty and the everyday miracles, training ourselves to filter some of the world-weary pain, soul-weary, heart-weary, keeping our eyes open for more glowing fireflies to connect with, building slow but sure networks, training ourselves not to be affected by those that look at us like we’re over-dramatic, ridiculous or preaching some new-age nonsense. Learning to build genuine compassion for those that mock, and learning to understand those that cannot see or feel to the extent we do because they haven’t ingested what we have…how could they possibly feel it. We were once them and no better or worse, just in a different place with our different choice. Learning to reconnect with our true natures beneath, behind, inside and beyond the physical via meditation, prayer, chanting, calling, being, digging deeper every day…what else can we do?
We see that fighting is fruitless, but that standing firm, brave even in our fear and loving, is true and so, so rare.
We see that if all stood true in their higher space, we would not be in this trouble, because we is all of us…me and you and them. So all of us in our highest most connected states, is bliss and love and the end of the notion of separatist duality.
We begin to learn about energy, manifestation, spirit and source and that makes this current fake, economic, political, separatist, technological, robotic, systematic, consumerist society appear even more bizarre. We see the current state of cancer that is our human race, and we are swept up in it like a powerless piece of driftwood in a self-perpetuated storm, sweeping up the rest of the pure nature along with it by default. We hope and pray that it stays afloat, landing safely on a warm and bountiful shore some day where it can heal.
We create the guide-book for the red pill as we go along, and it is ever-changing and ever challenging, but essential. At least to those who have been offered it and taken it, it is essential, because once seen…well…you know the old cliché’s are true, it just cannot be unseen.
Calling all fireflies.